I came across this beautiful quote by the scholar Ibn Taymiyyah, who said,” Don’t depend too much on anyone in this world because even your own shadow leaves you when you are in darkness.” We get too emotionally attached with other people, and end up having high expectations from them. When these expectations are shattered, we are left feeling lonely and dejected. We live in a society where we are constantly interacting with other people. Hence, we can easily be influenced to be a certain way, and do certain things in order to meet other people’s expectations.
However, the truth is that you are the master of your own life. You have a choice – a choice to decide who you want in your life, a choice to decide what makes you happy, and a choice to be dependent on nobody but yourself. In order for you to be strong and independent, we have put together a list of seven things that you should stop expecting from others.
1. Everyone will like you
The harsh truth is that not everybody will like you, so there is absolutely no point in trying to please all of them. There may be qualities in you that may not impress some people, but you shouldn’t worry about it. Instead, remember that there are plenty of people who love you for who you are. You family and friends will always like you, and won’t judge you. So why waste your time trying to impress people that don’t matter?
2. People will change for you
If you truly care about somebody, you should not expect them to change themselves for you. Accept that everybody has flaws, and respect them for who they are. There are times when people we love change over time. It is not up to us to decide whether such change is good or bad, or to force them to go back to being who they used to be. Telling others to change, or remain the same will only damage the relationship further, rather than strengthening it.
3. Everybody will agree with you
What happened to allowing everybody to have their own opinion? It is not necessary for anybody, whether they are close to you or not, to always agree with everything you say. Chances are, they may not even understand your point of view at times! Accept that others can have an opinion that isn’t similar to yours, and move on.
4. Everyone will make you happy
There will be times when others may do something, or say something which may hurt your feelings, or make you angry. They may not always agree with us, and we may not always agree with them. Understanding that everybody cannot make us happy will help us be strong whenever somebody upsets us. Don’t let others’ opinions and comments affect you; hold your head up high and stay strong!
5. Others are always fine
No they aren’t; they are humans and have their gloomy days just like you! If you are having a really good day, and feel extra cheerful, it doesn’t mean that others need to be cheerful to. It’s extremely selfish if you ask them to ‘forget’ their problem, and focus on you! They will be happy for you, but would prefer to be allowed to deal with their own problems.
6. Everyone should understand you
This point is similar to ‘everyone should agree with you’. People may not understand what you are saying, or what you are feeling, but it doesn’t mean that they don’t care about you. Don’t take it too personally, or it might affect your relation with them!
7. Everybody is trustworthy
You cannot expect everyone to remain loyal to you. Trust them at your own risk! Opening up to everyone, and sharing your deepest darkest secrets with them will just make you vulnerable and insecure. Trust one or two close friends, or relatives and try not to reveal too much to others.
8. Others will take care of you
Every time you have a problem, don’t go running to others to solve it for you. After a certain age, it is important that you should be able to deal with your issues on your own. Don’t expect others to be around to solve your problems and to take care of you. They have their own issues to deal with, and may not be always available when you need them. Relying on yourself teaches you how to be independent and strong as a person.
9. Replying on others’ opinions
This is one mistake that everybody makes – relying on other people’s opinions! We unnecessarily worry about what others think about us, what they consider acceptable and unacceptable, and whether they will judge us. Ideally, we must live life on our terms, unaffected by the opinions of others.