As you all undoubtedly know, the greatest day of the year is only a week away. For anyone new, the greatest day of the year is my birthday, June 5th. While some people prefer “major” holidays like Christmas, Halloween, or Easter, I am not really a fan of anyone taking my spotlight – whether it be Santa, the Great Pumpkin, or Jesus. “Birthday twins” are another thing I don’t care for. Anyone else is all, “Oh my god, your birthday is June 5th? So is mine! Birthday twins!”, while I’m all, “Oh, your birthday is June 5th? I will stab you.”
As a minimalist, I prefer instantly (or almost instantly) consumable gifts. Haters of stuff aren’t really interested in getting more stuff. Behold my gift guide for the minimalists in your life (and take the hint!). Don’t worry, they are super easy to shop for:
1) Cash. But cash is so impersonal, Erin. No, it’s freaking not. You know what’s impersonal? Buying knick knacks for a person that doesn’t like stuff. Dear god, stop worrying about being impersonal by the rest of the world’s standards and give someone what they actually want. Cash is king, baby, and there’s a reason for that. It’s universally appreciated.
2) Gift cards. Gift cards are also impersonal. I would argue that if you know the person you are shopping for, gift cards can be the most personal gift. Get your favorite minimalist (*cough* me *cough*) a gift card to their favorite restaurant, clothing store, grocery store, or gas station. Something that they will actually use. For example, my favorites are Melt, Anthropologie, Trader Joe’s, and don’t care – because gas is gas. Just an example…
3) Experiences. How about she experiences a gift-less birthday for being a picky brat? Your run-of-the-mill minimalist is a big fan of experiencing life as opposed to collecting weird knick knacks – like eccentric teapots or murderous looking porcelain dolls. Get your minimalist pal tickets to a concert, Broadway show, or sporting event. If you are feeling super generous, send them gallivanting around Europe on your dime. They will love it and their obnoxious, holier-than-thou selves will be elsewhere.
4) Food. That’s just weird. Just like money, food is universally appreciated. Everyone has to eat! This could mean treating them to a birthday dinner or baking up a batch of their favorite cookies. As long as you are getting them a food they actually like, it’s a perfect gift.
5) Alcohol. Erin, you sound like a bit of a lush. Wine, beer, and liquor are always a good idea for a gift provided the receiver isn’t underage or a recovering alcoholic. Get their favorite and hang around to split it with them. Win, win.
6) Charitable donation. Try to say something negative about this, you sociopath. If you don’t feel comfortable giving any of the above gifts, donate the money you would have used for the gift to a charitable organization in the receiver’s name. Important note: DO NOT donate to organizations that the receiver would not want to support. For example, I would be rather upset if someone donated money in my name to the Neo-Nazis or the Westboro Baptist Church. Be smart with this one. Clean water and food for hungry children are acceptable fallbacks if you can’t come up with anything else. If your receiver doesn’t support these causes, you might want to rethink getting them a gift. They don’t deserve it…
I guess the point is, it’s my birthday and the above are acceptable gifts. Thanks in advance.
[Image from Gif Central]